Make 2018 Your ‘Midlife Reinvention’ Year: Read this heartfelt article by Peter Fritz talking about issues that probably many of us have thought at least once:
“How to solve a midlife crisis.”
“Starting an online business.”
“Midlife reinvention.”
“Why am I depressed?”
There’s also a takeaway summed up in ten steps which are the result of the author’s journey and his midlife reinvention.
Not to be missed, read the full article here.
The 2018 FIFA World Cup will kick off on June 14 until July 15 in Russia. It’s the first time the tournament returns to Europe since 2006 (Germany).
Maybe you’re not that into soccer but as a Latin American MAM I couldn’t be more excited because this isn’t just another World Cup, this is a special occasion. The Peruvian national soccer team, my team, is going to be there after 36 years, you can imagine the emotion and the pride we feel.
So… the clock is ticking, and the party is about to begin… Don’t miss it!!!
This interesting article, Why Men Act Strangely After 40, explains what is a midlife crisis, why does it seem to impact men over 40 and why men act strangely after this age. It points out facts and real men testimonials.
“The midlife crisis period typically consists of an individual somewhere around 40 years of age questioning decisions that they have made and the current state of important areas in their lives such as career, relationships/marriage, and family/children,” explains Alithia Asturrizaga, LCSW… “In this intermediary position, it makes sense that people often have concerns about whether or not the decisions that they have made have created the life that they had always hoped to live.”
Dr. Ralph Esposito says a decrease in testosterone could also contribute to the problem. “As men age, their testosterone levels tend to decrease,”…
I’m about to turn 46 and I’m growing old.
When I was younger I believed in magic, I was dazzled with life, everything was new, an adventure, but at some point, around my thirties, the magic was gone. I didn’t feel alive any more, somehow I lost a taste for things.
It took me a while and I’m still figuring it out, how to get the magic back, how to resume my path; I guess this is part of growing up and getting old.
I realized then I had not fully accepted that all those youthful years were over, I wanted to hang on to them. It wasn’t easy accepting the fact that this magical period of my life was coming to an end, but I needed to do it to keep going on, otherwise I would continue stuck and missing my life. I just needed to let it go and stop feeling sorry for myself.
All this could sound sad but it’s not, as I understand now, aging is a natural part of life and there’s no manual to do it gracefully.
So, I went through the process of accepting myself, accepting my story, who I was, my failures, my regrets and made peace with it. The act of forgiving was fundamental either, forgiving myself for not becoming some sort of hero, and forgiving everyone who I resented. From time to time I need to go through this process again.
As I’m a nostalgic person, I try hard to live not feeling sorrow for what is gone and looking in the rear mirror every step of the way; instead, I’m learning to look back with gratitude.
Honesty has been a big component of this process, for me it’s one of the most difficult things to accomplish, being honest to oneself, taking the time to look inside yourself and finding your true answers, who you really are.
I realized as well that I was still young, even though more important than that, is being young at heart.
Finally, after going through all this introspective journey, I understood this one important thing, which seems so obvious, but it wasn’t for me, that living is about moving forward not backward, seizing the moment, being present.
I sleepwalked for many years. Moving consciously is important. Perhaps you feel lonely or bored, meaningless, but there are plenty of things to do with your life, just start by doing one and don’t hesitate. Try to find out what do want to do and do it, even if it’s just a small thing. Get a new job, quit your job, read, learn, go swimming, ride your bike, take martial arts classes or at least take a bus and go somewhere, do whatever you can but do something, don’t stand still, there’s not much time. You’re under the illusion that you have time. You don’t.
I believe in the universal laws, like cause and effect; in energy and flow. So, flow and don’t overthink, the domino effect of taking the leap could amaze you.
My journey isn’t over. I know now there’s more than what’s evident to my eyes. In some way, my journey has just begun.
It’s not a secret that most women are attracted to non-physical qualities. Things like confidence, personality, and character are on the top of the list. Being humble and knowing who you are, your accomplishments in life.
But… it’s important to communicate it. So… dress and groom yourself translating your inner confidence outside.
Your appearance helps communicate your confidence and positive energy. Don’t try to look younger than you really are.
Watch these awesome tips to dress appropriately!
Photo by Joel Angel Juarez, Las Vegas Review-Journal
Now, look, I know that’s a bold statement and I damn sure don’t expect to ever snap to the point I’m going to commit mass murder. Nor do I expect you will either.
But the hard reality here is that the conditions in western society have never been more ripe for creating lonely, sad and ashamed middle-aged men.
In a brand new post by Charlie Hoehn (who is much smarter than me), he makes that case exceptionally well.
It’s tempting to say the mass shooters motive was simply “pure evil,” or to blame the media or guns, but that absolves us of looking deeply at what each of us — as individuals, family members, friends, and community members — might be missing.
Boys in the United States — just like all human beings — need touch, caring, warmth, empathy, and close relationships. But as we grow up, most of us lose those essential components of our humanity.
What’s worse: we have no idea how to ask for those things, or admit we need them, because we’re afraid it will make us look weak.
Homo sapiens play more than any other species. It’s impossible to prevent a human from playing. We play shortly after we are born, and the healthiest (and least stressed) humans tend to play for their entire lives.
There is a strong correlation with play deprivation and mental illness.
When you deprive mammals of play, it leads to chronic depression. When you deprive a human child of play, their mental and emotional health deteriorate. Play suppression has enormous health consequences.
James Gilligan, a young psychiatrist at Harvard, interviewed murderous inmates at a Massachusetts mental hospital in the 70’s. His findings concluded that:
[quote]
“They would all say that they themselves had died before they started killing other people… They felt dead inside. They had no capacity for feelings. No emotional feelings. Or even physical feelings.
Universal among the violent criminals was the fact that they were keeping a secret. A central secret. And that secret was that they felt ashamed— deeply ashamed, chronically ashamed, acutely ashamed.
I have yet to see a serious act of violence that was not provoked by the experience of feeling shamed or humiliated, disrespected and ridiculed.”
[/quote]
Whatever the case, these factors about mass shooters are often true:
Is all of this enough to turn you or me into mass murderers if the conditions are extreme enough?
Quite possibly…
Most likely not, though. You and I may not be close enough to the edge to snap and take a bunch of innocents out along the way.
But that doesn’t mean we’re not suffering the same kind of pressures.
The takeaway here is that many of us MAMs are suffering, lonely, isolated and ashamed. If we want to change that situation, we need to reach out to others in a genuine and meaningful way, make connections and play.
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Parenting as a Middle-Aged Man? You realize 200 years ago you’d probably already be dead, right? What the hell are you thinking?
In the blink of an eye you went from the halcyon days of high school football and girls to being a Middle-Ager with a bun in the oven.
It is no longer unheard of to be starting a family later in life. More couples are meeting later or choosing to establish their finances and careers before the wondrous adventure of parenting.
For the most part, waiting until later in life to pop out the progeny is a good idea. As we reach our middle-years we’re typically wiser, more secure, and money is less of a concern.
However, there are also some drawbacks to waiting later in life to have children. We’re old. Our bones and muscles cannot keep up like they used to.
Sleep becomes essential to our energy levels. There can be more demands and responsibilities to keep us busy enough in a day.
Below, I have gathered a list of tips and tricks to help your aging body keep up with an energetic new child.
It may have been your plan to establish your career before having children. As we reach our middle-ages there is no longer a question of what we want to do anymore and should be on a path of where we want to be. The only issue is, after investing this extra time into our careers, the expectations have gone up.
It is important to re-evaluate your career situation when you are planning to be a father. On one hand, that financial burden is looming heavier than before. On the other, you have a new responsibility of raising a child and bonding with them. If you have a demanding job, or even ask lots of yourself, this is a good time to commit to stepping back from work a little bit and spending more time at home for those valuable first few years of life.
You’ve heard it countless times before from other parents, your parents, and just about every family. Prepare to lose some sleep when you have a new baby. There is no denying that parenting will mean sleepless nights of consoling a baby back to sleep or comforting a sick toddler. The trick to this is a healthy, consistent sleep routine.
When the baby comes, gone are the days of going to bed when you feel ready. You should get into a routine early, and stick to it. When those late nights come, your body will feel more rested and the demand for sleep won’t be as high.
For those first couple years of the baby, add an extra hour to your routine. That way the midnight feedings and changings won’t hit so hard.
People are like the planets. When we’re young we have lots of energy, we spin extra fast than as we get older and collect more mass we slow down with each passing year.
To keep up with these budding stars, staying healthy is important. We want our bodies to be able to last as many spins around the sun as possible. So, as you need exercise, take advantage of your energetic child and be active together. Take walks together, or let them be a part of your daily exercise routine- even if they are just running circles around you and pulling your hair as you try to do a push-up.
The most important thing to remember is to have fun. Being a father is the most amazing adventure you will have in your life. Don’t forget to enjoy it as much as you can. Those smiling faces, the fun outings, even the hardest days will be memories to cherish forever. The more fun you have the better life will be.
They’ll be grown and out before you know it, don’t blink!
We’d love to think that it’s only ladies who struggle with the weight gain. But the truth is, middle-aged men are also struggling with the accumulation of fat in their bodies, particularly around the middle.
Knowledge is power so this article is here to enlighten you as to the causes of the dreaded spare tire and also possible ways of getting rid of the excess fat typically carried by the middle-aged man.
The following are the causes of weight gain in middle-aged men that you need to be aware of.
As we get older, it gets harder and harder to drag our asses out of the Lazy Boy. In turn, we get bigger and it gets even harder to get out of the Lazy Boy. It’s an ugly downward (outward?) cycle.
It’s not an easy thing to do but 30 minutes of exercise a day is all that’s really needed to keep your body burning away all those chicken wings and Coors Lights (ever heard the one about how Coors is like sex in a canoe? It’s f*cking close to water).
Here’s the beauty of it though, all you have to do is take a walk. You don’t have to pound the pavement with a sports bra holding up your man boobs, just walk the damn dog.
You know this. You know it as you eat that triple burger in the car on your way to the next meeting, ketchup stain on your shirt.
Eating has become little more than an inconvenience for many of us. You know you have to do it but who the hell has the time to do it right?
Take your food seriously. You really ARE what you eat. Pack a healthy lunch the night before and include healthy snacks like nuts and avocados to fuel your body through the day so you don’t find yourself at the White Castle drive through.
This one you have only a little control over. Sure, lots of exercise will stave off the fire going out in your furnace, but go out it will, regardless.
It’s just a simple fact, your metabolism slows and you need less fuel to keep yourself alive. So if you still pound three dozen chicken wings and a pitcher of suds, guess what happens to the two dozen your body doesn’t need for fuel? That’s right, they inflate your tire.
Sorry, Dude. No real good answers on this one.
I mean, I could tell you to go to yoga and meditate but let’s be real, shall we?
If you want the straight dope on this, read Michael Pollan’s In Defense of Food. For the TL;DR version, Pollan gives us these nuggets;
He also gives us this sage advice, “Don’t eat anything your great-great-great grandmother wouldn’t recognize as food. Imagine how baffled your ancestors would be in a modern supermarket: the epoxy-like tubes of Go-Gurt, the preternaturally fresh Twinkies, the vaguely pharmaceutical Vitamin Water. Those aren’t foods, quite; they’re food products.”
OK, so the dude in the photo is jogging. Maybe he’s a little more advanced than you and me. For mere mortals like us, our running days are probably behind us (I absolultely hating running even when I was regularly doing 10K’s and playing soccer.
Now I just walk the damn dog. And if you don’t have a dog, you should get one. Not one of those dinky little teacup things either, a real dog. Something mixed with a lab is a sure winner. And get them from the pound too, not some wretched puppy mill or pet store.
OK, rant over.
See above re:Dog. Seriously, get a dog.
Really, turn off the TV at a reasonable hour. Don’t let those commercials for the next upcoming GLOW episode keep you from getting some real and effective shuteye. Sleep is critical to every system in your body. Get as much as you can (fun fact, these all work hand in hand. Exercise, for instance, will make you sleep like a baby).
And get a dog.
[box type=”tick”]An anonymously submitted post from a reader who wanted to share his thoughts on mid-life mayhem and offer a resource for avoiding the slump.
I am sitting by the pool at a resort in Baltimore, except that it’s not actually a resort, but a life-enhancement center where folks come to relax and “find themselves again”. But something is intriguing about this place – no women; only middle-aged men – really stressed out and faced with huge identity issues.
There is 47-year old Billy, who just got divorced. He tells me that in the course of the two weeks, he has slept with ten women. “I never saw myself as that kind of a man,” says Billy, “I’m now so lonely, and I don’t even know what to do with the rest of my life.” There’s Larry, 52; he says he has never gotten married; he’s running out of things to do with his life and now wants to purchase a Harley-Davidson chopper and head down Route 101. “Is there anything wrong with that?” he questions. “I’ve always wanted to own one of those.”
Scientists say that middle-aged men are the generation that has been sandwiched between two major age groups – the youthful and the aged. According to some recent studies, men aged 42-54 have the highest rates of suicide, which is almost five times that of women of the same age. The worst thing is, this situation is not getting any better; it’s only getting worse.
Nowadays, men in their mid-years are jammed between their traditional-style strong, silent, and strict fathers who worked hard to provide for their families, and their sons’ “be-yourself”, quite-interesting culture. They are therefore, confused as to which of the two ways of life they should follow.
The pressure of living up to what is described as the male gold standard, often characterized by control, power and invincibility causes personal chaos like losing a job to become a massive crisis. The very thought of suffering a defeat as a middle-aged man is overwhelming.
The outcome? Mid-life mayhem. Time and again, we concentrate on teenage boys and their troubles like fitting in, or women and their position in the society; rarely do we give a thought to middle-aged men and their wishes to purchase a Harley-Davidson – I mean their; well, our mid-life problems.
As my friend Joseph, a psychiatrist, puts it, “Whereas women tread forward and get their lives together, men tend to remain the same; they hate change.” We then become emotionally weak and turn to women to support us. In the end, some of us get lonely and lost. They drift toward a doubtful future at an age where everything should be settled.
Not all middle-aged men are like this, though there seems to be a prevalence of men over 45 years-old who feel like they’re on the scrap-heap. A few days ago, I was at my friend’s 48th birthday party. We had a lot of fun, but the majority of the men I spoke with were not very happy with their lives. One of these men – never married, zero kids – had been unemployed for the past three years or at least had not found any decent job. He was volunteering as a caretaker. For a 50-year-old man, this was quite a weird situation to be in – no family, no money; not even a place to call home.
I asked how he felt about the situation. He looked at me sorrowfully and replied, “Are you kidding me?” “Feels great to have nothing at my age.” Apparently, he had never been happy. He explained that he found it difficult to commit, and thus every girlfriend came and went. Moreover, he had hopped from one job to another, as he never really found his passion. At one time, he had worked for an insurance company, but the place lacked life, and so he left. He went to work for a cable company, but then got bored and left that job too. This became a norm, shifting from one trade to the other with no purpose, and sooner than he had perceived it, he was 50.
What do all of these men (myself included) have in common? We’re all running the risk of a serious midlife crisis (I prefer the term mid-life mayhem – sounds more adventurous). And with crisis comes the serious potential for suicide. We tend to think of suicide as the bastion for moody teenagers but that’s just not the case. A recent study in the UK concluded that the group most likely to commit suicide is men aged 45-59. In the same article are also five tips for avoiding a mid-life crisis, which is ultimately what made me want to write and share this article.
Please check it out guys;
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/active/mens-health/11435329/Five-ways-to-avoid-a-midlife-crisis.html
This site is supposed to be kind of fun and silly. But this is serious as a heart attack. If you’re a middle-aged guy, your biggest risk isn’t heart disease or diabetes, it’s being lonely.
In this article in the Boston Globe, Billy Baker tells it like it is. And it’s bad. If you live alone or are socially isolated, you’re roughly 30% more likely to die. That’s truth.
I certainly know this to be true. I live alone half-time and the other half I have my two sons. When you identify as a father and half of your life doesn’t include that element, it can be disconcerting.
And admitting it can be challenging. No one seems to like a whiny grown-ass-man, at least that’s what we Middle-Aged Men think. Fact is, there are a great many people out there who care for each of us, and many more who could be brought into the fold.
It’s up to us lonely bastards to get out there and make it happen.
Read the full article HERE.
