I’m about to turn 46 and I’m growing old.
When I was younger I believed in magic, I was dazzled with life, everything was new, an adventure, but at some point, around my thirties, the magic was gone. I didn’t feel alive any more, somehow I lost a taste for things.
It took me a while and I’m still figuring it out, how to get the magic back, how to resume my path; I guess this is part of growing up and getting old.
I realized then I had not fully accepted that all those youthful years were over, I wanted to hang on to them. It wasn’t easy accepting the fact that this magical period of my life was coming to an end, but I needed to do it to keep going on, otherwise I would continue stuck and missing my life. I just needed to let it go and stop feeling sorry for myself.
All this could sound sad but it’s not, as I understand now, aging is a natural part of life and there’s no manual to do it gracefully.
So, I went through the process of accepting myself, accepting my story, who I was, my failures, my regrets and made peace with it. The act of forgiving was fundamental either, forgiving myself for not becoming some sort of hero, and forgiving everyone who I resented. From time to time I need to go through this process again.
As I’m a nostalgic person, I try hard to live not feeling sorrow for what is gone and looking in the rear mirror every step of the way; instead, I’m learning to look back with gratitude.
Honesty has been a big component of this process, for me it’s one of the most difficult things to accomplish, being honest to oneself, taking the time to look inside yourself and finding your true answers, who you really are.
I realized as well that I was still young, even though more important than that, is being young at heart.
Finally, after going through all this introspective journey, I understood this one important thing, which seems so obvious, but it wasn’t for me, that living is about moving forward not backward, seizing the moment, being present.
I sleepwalked for many years. Moving consciously is important. Perhaps you feel lonely or bored, meaningless, but there are plenty of things to do with your life, just start by doing one and don’t hesitate. Try to find out what do want to do and do it, even if it’s just a small thing. Get a new job, quit your job, read, learn, go swimming, ride your bike, take martial arts classes or at least take a bus and go somewhere, do whatever you can but do something, don’t stand still, there’s not much time. You’re under the illusion that you have time. You don’t.
I believe in the universal laws, like cause and effect; in energy and flow. So, flow and don’t overthink, the domino effect of taking the leap could amaze you.
My journey isn’t over. I know now there’s more than what’s evident to my eyes. In some way, my journey has just begun.